Ask most women what their perfect wedding is, particularly in the 18-25 demographic, and chances are you've obligated yourself to an hour long conversation. Little girls everywhere begin planning this magical day as soon as they realize that one day they will grow up and they will have the chance to be just like mommy and daddy.
Ask a man, however, what his perfect wedding is and chances are he'll stare at you blankly and wonder exactly why you're asking him such an odd question.
It's not that men don't plan on getting married; most men assume it to be a given. However, for some reason, most little boys, and big boys for that matter, are preoccupied with becoming a lawyer, or a doctor, or an astronaut, or a firefighter, or some other career oriented goal. Most men you find, particularly men who are not engaged, have thought little, if any, about what their wedding will be like.
I feel like most of this is a blessing in disguise; I mean, after all, if two people do have incredibly strong opinions, the result will likely not be a fruitful one. However, this blessing means that at least one party will have an extensive learning curve they're going to encounter...and now you understand where I am.
The remarkable thing is, I'm having an absolute blast. The fact that I have a remarkable fiance who wants my help in all aspects is incredibly wonderful. The best part is, by her utilizing my involvement, we're able to divide and conquer: By her focusing on the festive imaginative aspects, I'm able to focus on the organization and logistics aspect.s While we're both involved in all aspects, being able to focus on the stuff that makes us feel like we're striking tasks off of our list keeps us both happy and fresh on everything.
If I had to give some advice to men who are just engaged and are planning a wedding, three rules come to mind:
1) Do not check out from the planning process. You may not enjoy fabric samples or fixture shopping or venue scouting, but enjoy the fact that she enjoys it. The more involved you are, the less you feel like you have to catch up later, and the less stress she'll have to deal with by you being an open mind with an opinion.
2) If you're fiscally inclined, insist on managing the budget. This the meat and potatoes part of the planning process and is by far the most "manly" task in the process of wedding planning. It is also a great way to practice budgeting as a unit and managing a budgeted project as a couple. Compile the budget with each other and be sure to indicate the areas where you're willing to dip into surplus or where you're willing to carve if it becomes necessary. Focus on meeting aspects of your budget, and focus on how you can make it a team process. This keeps both of you accountable for spending, and makes for a more efficient team.
3) Don't be afraid to admit you're enjoying it. I love football and firearms just as much as the next man, but I am not afraid to admit that I enjoy being a part of this process. There is nothing emasculating about caring about the woman you're going to marry and being an integral part in planning the day that is going to unite you two. Not all parts will enthrall you like it does her, but the virtues of being a gentlemen, particularly having good taste and embracing the manners and customs of your regional preference, are lost among so many people in our society.
Andrew
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